Subject: Council Complaints

These are genuine clips from council complaint letters

* My bush is really overgrown round the front and my
back passage has fungus growing in it.

* He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole
house and I just can't take it anymore.

* It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

* I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has
backfired and burnt my knob off.

* I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle
very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his
back passage.

* And their 18 year old son is continually banging his
balls against my fence.

* I wish to report that tiles are missing from the
outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other
night that blew them off.

* My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

* I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming
away from the wall.

* Will you please send someone to mend the garden
path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now
she is pregnant.

* I request permission to remove my drawers in the
kitchen

* 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling
plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

* I am still having problems with smoke in my new
drawers.

* The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the
children until it is cleared.

* Will you please send a man to look at my water, it
is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

* Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in
three pieces.

* I want to complain about the farmer across the road;
every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now
getting too much for me.

* The man next door has a large erection in the back
garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

* Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and
would like a third so please send someone round to do
something about it.

* I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and
would you please do something about the noise made by
the man on top of me every night.

* Please send a man with the right tool to finish the
job and satisfy my wife.

* I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six
times but I still have no satisfaction.

* This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is
broke and we can't get BBC2.

Heres a rather silly story......but take note or you could get stuck with a munter
!

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals.
So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very
difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and
if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question was: What do women really want?
Such question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man and, to young
Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death,
he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the
priests, the wise men, the court jester. He spoke with everyone, rich and
poor alike, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult 'the old witch.' Only she would know the
answer. The price would be high, however, as the witch was famous
throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk
to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept
her price first:
She wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round
Table and Arthur's closest friend.
Young Arthur was horrified as the witch was hunchbacked and hideous, had
only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises. Etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature and he refused to force
his friend to marry her and endure such a burden.
Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that
no sacrifice was too high compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of
the Round Table.
Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's
question thus:
What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that
Arthur's life would be spared. And it was so.
The neighbouring monarch granted Arthur total freedom and Gawain and the
witch had a splendid marriage. Arthur was torn between relief and anguish.
Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous.
The old witch put her worst manners on display and made everyone very
uncomfortable. The honeymoon hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for
a horrific experience, entered the bedroom.
But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay
before him! The astounded Gawain asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd
appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self
only half the time, and the other half she would be her beautiful maiden
self.
Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?
What a cruel question! Gawain pondered his predicament: during the day, a
beautiful woman to show off to his friends but, at night in the privacy of
his home, a hideous witch? Or vice-a-versa.
What would you do?
What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read it until you've made your
own choice..

Noble Gawain replied he would let her choose for herself.
Upon hearing this, the witch announced she would be beautiful all the time,
because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
life.
What is the moral of this story?
The moral is simply: If a woman doesn't get her way, things are going to
get ugly