silly

Living Wills..........be careful in their use

While I was watching the world cup, my wife and I got
into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.

During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to
exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine, and taking fluids
from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

Sometimes it's tough being married to a smartass.

Interesting

1. In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat
his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule
of thumb".

2. Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled
"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into
the English language.

3. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred
and Wilma Flintstone.

4. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

5. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

6. Coca-Cola was originally green.

7. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

8. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour:
61,000.

9. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

10. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

11. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from
history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

12. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

13. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the
air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse
has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

14. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until
you would find the letter "A"?......One thousand.

15. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
printers all have in common?......All invented by women.

16. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?......Honey.

17. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer
to sleep on. Hence the phrase........."goodnight, sleep tight."

18. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son- in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we
know today as the honeymoon.

19. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old
England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind
your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase
"mind your P's and Q's."

20. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into
the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they
used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase
inspired by this practice.

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can
read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Anagrams anyone?

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMI TY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law)

Talking Dog!

A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Luton: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Sure do." the dog replies. "So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty
young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the MI5 about my
gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a
dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight
years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger and I wanted to settle down.

So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security
work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I
uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of
medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.

The owner says, "Ten quid."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"'Cos he's a f****ng liar. He's never done any of that stuff"